My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
