We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
