Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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