I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
