You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
