I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize