2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
