my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
