Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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