I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They took my balls.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
