Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
