dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
