you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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