My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
