so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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