It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize