yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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