Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
