We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
