Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
