you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize