i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
