Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
