I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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