sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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