She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
