i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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