I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
