if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
