My underwear smells like fireworks.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize