Welp...herpes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
