Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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