There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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