I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
