He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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