It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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