don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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