I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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