I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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