Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
