ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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