birth control should be required to get into college
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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