Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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