no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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