If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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