I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
