As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
