I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize