genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize