i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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