We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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