So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
