is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
