Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize