And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
