Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
