Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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