hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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