1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
