i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
