**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
