everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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