I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
