I met the friendliest cop last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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