We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize