Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
