This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
