The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
