giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
