I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
