I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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