the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
