Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
