I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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