you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
