so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
