You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
